Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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