I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
