Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
