shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
