Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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