Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
