No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
