Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize