break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize