I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
