Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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