i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
