I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
