went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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