Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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