I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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