I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
