You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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