ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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