he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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