I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize