Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
