Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
try to milk me bitch
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
