I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
