what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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