If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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