there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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