so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just found a bag of teeth...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
