Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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