i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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