You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize