He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize