I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
