I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
