winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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