I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
