My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
