Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
