(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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