The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
