Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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