can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize