I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
