He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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