Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
