Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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