Christians are straight up FREAKS
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
