You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How does one acquire holy water?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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