Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
