I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You pole danced in your parka.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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