Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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