U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
