All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
