I have demons in me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
