You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
