his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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