Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
