Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
