yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
