I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
