Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
