Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
