i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my sisters under your porch take her home
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We left the knife in your bed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
