my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
