I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
