my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
