I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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