Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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