Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
