I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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